Deborah Harper, President of psychjourney.com tells her story of the vision
that guided her through difficult times and the resulting success.
When my family finally emerged from the two year crisis of dealing with our
daughter's drug addiction, recovery and family healing, I made a vow that I
would dedicate the rest of my life to helping other families in crisis find
the help they needed. I knew there had to be a better way of selecting a
therapist, psychiatrist, marriage counselor, and drug treatment center then
the desperate searching based on minimal information that we and so many
other families we knew had experienced. I had inkling that somehow the
Internet would provide the answer. Beyond that, I could only move in faith.
I took the risk of quitting my job, going back to school for two years to
study computers, web design, and to gain other skills I somehow knew I
needed. After completing my studies I took a job to help pay the bills. My
year of work was interesting and rewarding but I found myself getting
frequently depressed and making stupid mistakes on the job. I could not
figure out what was going on since I had chosen to be there and had always
been very conscientious on any job I undertook. In retrospect, I realize
that the mistakes were a message to devote my time fully to further gather
the skills I needed to create Psychjourney.
Looking back I realize my depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage on the
job was a result of my inner knowledge that my full-time work and four hour
a day commute made it impossible to fulfill the vow I made. It was very
difficult to leave a paid job when we badly needed the money, had two
children in college, and I was leaving for a vision that no one outside my
family understood or supported.It was and is difficult to explain how I could
dedicate years to a project that was risky, had not been done before, and had
no clear model for financial success. The Jones family has no worries about
keeping up with us.
To keep myself centered and aligned with my vision and life path, I have
had to let go of my need to be considered a success in conventional terms.
As I come from a very materialistic, competitive, career driven family and
live in an area with the highest cost and standard of living nationwide this
has been challenging.But most importantly I have realized that success for
me is fulfilling the vow I made and everyday working to make my vision
manifest. It helps me to stay centered to look back on how far my family
has come.
A psychologist on the lock-down psychiatric hospital during her three
week stay after a psychotic break told me that our daughter Rachael was a
high suicide risk and that I should prepare myself for her death. She is
now a full-time student in chemistry at a major university, in a healthy
five-year relationship and has been clean and sober for the past ten years
Our son, Michael, who at thirteen experienced his family falling apart, as
we struggled with his sisters addiction is a full-time graduate student,
does work he loves in his field, and also just celebrated five years with
the woman he loves.
My marriage, which I feared would end because of the stress of our family
crisis, is happy and strong. We just celebrated our 30th year of marriage.
Everyday I get up and am able to work fulltime on building Psychjourney. I
have the privilege of meeting incredible people from all over the world who
share the dream and give generously of their time and expertise. Everyday
hundreds of people from all over the world visit our website or blog and
listen to our audio files. And we have just started. And when my time on earth
is done, I will be able to look back and say I did everything in my power to
keep the sacred vow I made. This to me is success.
Jaime Buckley's story illustrates how he found his vision for his life's
work in his darkest hour.It seemed to risky, too far out, something he could
never really do. Here is the story of how he created the first on-line comic
book www.wantedhero.com and earns a living supporting his family by doing
what he loves and had never been done by anyone else before.
How did I get here?
I look back at my own life, and when I calmly observe all the factors.I
would have to say, I arrived this very day, by nothing short of a 'miracle'.
I personally believe that miracle was called 'Depression'. I know it sounds
strange, and think me insane.but I assure you, depression is exactly what I
suffered from, and it is a key factor in changing my life for the better.
I was raised in a very loving home, and married a wonderful, loving wife.
However, I had many expectations out of life, expectations that I traded, to
be a 'loyal' person, and placed that 'service of loyalty' (to friends,
family and associates) above my own feelings, my own needs and even those of the needs of my dependants. Almost without exception, to my great dismay and pain, the people around me, and those I gave my loyalty to, did not see it as a valued gift.and I would be taken advantage of, in many ways.
The other, painful aspect of this life, I seemed to carve for myself, was
that I became naturally dependent upon those I was loyal to. I graduated
high school at 15, with honors and credits towards college. I had several
scholarships available to me.yet I chose to stay near my father and work
side by side, figuring I could go later. I never went. As time went by, I
depended more and more on my ability to be loyal and 'watch someone's back' (e.g., dispel rumors, be there to assist the person when in need, work
incredibly long hours at meaningless jobs that no one else would do, even
place myself in physical harms way to protect them or their family). I began
to value myself less and less, and after a time, classified myself as
"substandard" everyone else.
In my mind, I was an uneducated, unskilled, hopeless case-who felt even
worse, that my wife had been so wrong about me, and married far beneath her own worth. I 'knew', that should I ever become 'obsolete' to the one I was
loyal to, I wouldn't have a place to turn, no direction.and all would be
lost. I wouldn't be able to support myself, or get a job to take care of my
growing family.
This whole time, year after year, after year.I felt this pressure build up
inside me, that caused severe pain and health problems, many of which took
such a toll on me, they still ail me today. It got to a point that I lost
all hope, all feeling, all desire to survive.the pressure ever increasing.until it became so intense, I thought I was going to die from the
sheer pain in my head and heart.
I remember a burst of anger. Not a temper, but an anger like I had never
known.something I might liken to a description of 'righteous indignation',
about my life, where I was, and the lack of my direction. Thoughts and
feelings flooded my body with such clarity.and the weight started to ease.
All that remained was the fear. A fear that told me a huge change was about
to take place.a change that was necessary for my survival and the future of
my own family.
Over the next days, weeks and months, I noticed more, felt more, and
realized that I always had the ability to progress on my own-talents to make
a living, but I never allowed myself the "right" to do it. It was as if I did something for myself, I would be betraying the 'loyalty' side of my
nature. The funny thing was, not long after, I realized that I had based my
loyalty upon myself, and not the actions of others. I had failed to qualify
people for that loyalty, and it had nearly destroyed me.
I saw that I had a wonderful wife and amazing children, that not only loved
me.they had always loved me. For me. Just, plain, old me. Imagine that! I
had never noticed until then. Once I gave myself 'permission' to live my
life, and to strive to become more than I had limited myself to be, my
health improved, ideas began to flow, and I developed a hunger to take it
even further.
I wanted to take my deepest love.telling stories to children and drawing
cartoons, to a new level of development. I wanted to make a living with it.
I didn't believe anyone like Marvel or DC would hire me.but I had learned
enough while being a shadow to other successful people over the years to
strike out on my own! I could be original. I knew how to do that! I talked
it over with my wife and children, who gave me their encouragement and
support, grabbed my tax refund of $1000 and started my own comic book
company. However, I still lacked $135 needed for supplies, and no way to
attain it.
My mother had been killed the year before, and I had yet to break down and
mourn her loss.which was creating anger again in my life. A friend suggested I go out to Nevada and spend the evening with my uncle, my moms brother and my dear friend, so we could both have a good cry, scream, or just to talk, away from the rest of the family. He even paid for the bus package, which included $7 in betting money.
We spent the night talking about mom and having a great meal. All the pain
went away, we both gained closure.and that amazing energy came back, about taking charge of my life. "I'm going to get that money I need" I told my
uncle. I went out, got $7 in nickels and hit the slots-something I was new
to. I put in four nickels.and received $136.00.
I just stood there.and laughed.
Seven months ago, I started a company with an idea I had, during the
darkest years of my depression. Something that allowed me to hang on, and
not completely give up on life. WANTED:HERO was born, and became the very first digital comic book on the web (and to my knowledge, still is, at the
time of writing this article).offering a hand made comic book in digital
format, for a single dollar. In February 2005, I had 14 visitors total. By
September 2005, I was averaging 40,000 visitors a month. All from word of
mouth. With two months, I was making a full time living, doing what I loved.
The future looks so bright and exciting to me..and it all started with my depression.
Go figure.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's another story:
Deborah Harper president of www.psychjourneys.com, wrote me about her own experience with depression and mistakes that led to devoting her full time to creating a website that would be a resource for families in distress
seeking the best in mental health services. She came to be a visionarysoul
through the force of her depression.
She writes:
When my family finally emerged from the two year crisis of dealing with our
daughter's drug addiction, recovery and family healing, I made a vow that I
would dedicate the rest of my life to helping other families in crisis find
the help they needed. I knew there had to be a better way of selecting a
therapist, psychiatrist, marriage counselor, and drug treatment center then
the desperate searching based on minimal information that we and so many
other families we knew had experienced. I had inkling that somehow the
Internet would provide the answer. Beyond that, I could only move in faith.
I took the risk of quitting my job, going back to school for two years to
study computers, web design, and to gain other skills I somehow knew I
needed. After completing my studies I took a job to help pay the bills. My
year of work was interesting and rewarding but I found myself getting
frequently depressed and making stupid mistakes on the job. I could not
figure out what was going on since I had chosen to be there and had always
been very conscientious on any job I undertook. In retrospect, I realize
that the mistakes were a message to devote my time fully to further gather
the skills I needed to create Psychjourney.
Looking back I realize my depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage on the
job was a result of my inner knowledge that my full-time work and four hour
a day commute made it impossible to fulfill the vow I made. It was very
difficult to leave a paid job when we badly needed the money, had two
children in college, and I was leaving for a vision that no one outside my
family understood or supported.
It was and is difficult to explain how I could dedicate years to a project
that was risky, had not been done before, and had no clear model for
financial success. The Jones family has no worries about keeping up with
us.
To keep myself centered and aligned with my vision and life path, I have
had to let go of my need to be considered a success in conventional terms.
As I come from a very materialistic, competitive, career driven family and
live in an area with the highest cost and standard of living nationwide this
has been challenging.
But most importantly I have realized that success for me is fulfilling the
vow I made and everyday working to make my vision manifest. It helps me to
stay centered to look back on how far my family has come.
A psychologist on the lock-down psychiatric hospital during her three
week stay after a psychotic break told me that our daughter Rachael was a
high suicide risk and that I should prepare myself for her death. She is
now a full-time student in chemistry at a major university, in a healthy
five-year relationship and has been clean and sober for the past ten years
Our son, Michael, who at thirteen experienced his family falling apart, as
we struggled with his sisters addiction is a full-time graduate student,
does work he loves in his field, and also just celebrated five years with
the woman he loves.
My marriage, which I feared would end because of the stress of our family
crisis, is happy and strong. We just celebrated our 30th year of marriage.
Everyday I get up and am able to work fulltime on building Psychjourney. I
have the privilege of meeting incredible people from all over the world who
share the dream and give generously of their time and expertise. Everyday
hundreds of people from all over the world visit our website or blog and
listen to our audio files. And we have just started.
And when my time on earth is done, I will be able to look back and say I
did everything in my power to keep the sacred vow I made. This to me is
success.
Deborah's story illustrates the central gift of depression. It in effect
"forces" a person to create their own rules, to author their own lives.
Deborah's story illustrates how claiming such authority flies in the face of
cultural values and family expectations. Her depression in part led her to
her vision of a meaningful life guided by a vision of helping others rather
than conforming to expectations for material success in conventional terms.
Because the pain of walking your own path can be so difficult, depression
gives you a push from what used to be your comfort zone, by making you lose
interest in conventional goals, values and expectations. Deborah created
something that had never been done before and you can see her
accomplishments at www.psychjourneys.com.
Click Here to hear interview with Dr. Honos-Webb on the Gift of ADHD
Click Here to read chapter 5 of the Gift of ADHD on creativitiy
Click here to hear a cyberlecture on The Gift of Depression by Dr. Lara Honos-Webb
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Dr Lara Honos-Webb
lara@visionarysoul.com
925-639-7376
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